Well I made it through another week but not without stuffing up quite a few times. I find getting older has made me less ‘sharp’ if you know what I mean. I am getting confused with numbers, I am not learning programs as quickly as I once did and this part of ageing is really frustrating to me. Is it just me? I mean, I used to be really on the ball, really quick and rarely made a mistake. These days it’s taking me twice as long to learn something, I’m nervous about making mistakes and I feel like just running and hiding. I guess that’s the thing with going back into the work force after 10 + years you kind of forget that things are foggier than they once were.
I think this is a really hard time for women especially, we are at an age where we don’t want to admit we are ageing, we don’t want to admit that we get confused, or find things difficult. I certainly don’t want to have someone telling me what to do or how to do it, especially if they are younger than me! The other thing we most likely have to put up with is menopause. Maybe all these things are due to menopause and not age at all. Maybe I am still smart but the demon menopause is telling me I am not.
Is there anyone else gone back to work in their 50’s after a looooong break from it? I am also struggling with the fact that so many people know me from ‘before’, I was dynamic, skinny, held a high profile, was young, alert, knew my stuff, all of which I am not now. I feel super uncomfortable being back in the public eye, I am very conscious of the fact I am no longer young and skinny. I feel really embarrassed to see people I used to know, I just want to run & hide. This has really been one of the hardest things to do.
So what have I been doing about it? Sucking it up! This is about me earning some extra money to help out with the bills, this is about me getting some knowledge back so I can move forward into other things, this is about our future and also helping my ageing aunt (who owns the business) in her last working days. This is about taking the pressure off my husband who has an extremely stressful job, it’s about not having to say no to my 14 year old son all the time. I can’t make this superficial or it will do my head in, I can’t make this about how I look because really I am bloody 52 and who actually cares! My husband loves me and my children and grandchildren adore me so it really doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks I look like. So I smile a lot, I pray a lot, and I lather myself in essential oils and I do my job to the best of my ability. I come home tired but I come home to the most beautiful peaceful farm, a loving husband and the most amazing 14 year old son. Mindset is sooooo important in every day and to those that pray, keep doing it, it will see you through the tough times!