Tiiiiiiiiiired……

Well going back to work has sure taken it’s toll on me. I am so tired I can hardly function and when I try and do anything on the computer I fall asleep! The thing is, studying, working and still maintaining this house is not something I have had to do for quite sometime. My hours are 8.30am till 2 pm, not a lot of hours one would say, but here’s the kicker, I haven’t actually left at 2pm since I started. I can’t seem to get everything done in those hours. But its been good to work back in my old office with my old aunt & cousin, my cousin is very quirky as in, strange, but I have been getting along with him famously since I started, which has made a huge difference, since we never used to get along at all.

Running a trust account again has been challenging, getting the bank to always balance and having no discrepancies has been super fun….NOT! The systems that are in place aren’t the same ones we used to have, everything is different and apparently easier, but I gotta tell you it is super complicated and not at all as easy at it used to be.

Getting up and getting to work on time has been the biggest challenge. The jobs I used to take my time with of a morning now get raced through, all of a sudden my mornings are stupid like they once were 10+ years ago, the bonus now is I don’t have any kids to get ready for school. I guess I will get back into the swing of things, it will certainly take a bit longer than it used to, I find that at 51 (52 in December) I am not as quick as I used to be, my brain isn’t as sharp as it used to be and I am finding it a bit difficult not doing anything creative during the day.

Studying is ridiculous, I am way too impatient to do all this study, I am googling everything instead of reading the manuals, these things are hundreds of pages long, who’s got time for that?! I just hope I get the answers the way they want them lol. As a creative I find this course extremely boring HOWEVER, I know it will lead me to better things in the near future. I think sometimes we have a tendency to wait around for things to drop in our laps magically, especially if you are a person of faith like myself, I am guilting of this, I pray Lord, I read the Bible now where’s all my good stuff, where’s all these blessings? Thing is, while the Bible is full of blessings, they aren’t given away for free you have to work for them in one way or another, scripture says “I will bless the fruit of your hands”. Funny thing will all this is I was petitioning God for registration money for our car, and he gave me a job, so there you have it, work for it! I am actually excited to see where this will lead, my heart is with coaching so I hope that becomes the plan. There isn’t too much I haven’t done in the real estate industry, I just need to refresh all my knowledge.

So for all of you ladies or men who are going back to work in your 50’s after a long break I am with you! I know your pain and I know your tiredness lol!

Back to Work…

Well being an entrepreneur isn’t quit working out the way I had planned so I have had to go back to work. I mean I am not going to give up on my dream of making a lucrative income from home but while I work on that, I have had to go back to work. I was offered a job Monday night and I had my first day Tuesday.

Learning the ropes again has been exhausting. I have been out of the industry (real estate) for 12 odd years and a lot of things have changed in that time. I have to re-sit my registration, which enables me to work in the real estate industry, which is really difficult but on top of that I decided to do my FULL license, which will enable me to open my own office if I want to. Man alive I have created sooooo much work for myself. My quiet, cruisy, country life has diminished rather abruptly.

My mornings are now a big rush, getting the dogs organised for the day and cleaning up outside, doing the dog poo run and get myself ready to leave at 8am has been a challenge to say the least. I have 6 dogs in the house yard, that’s a lot of crap every day. They have a pen that they sleep in at night, they are then let out for a couple of hours in the morning to run around the house yard and then I pen them again. In that time they have pooed that much I am surprised there is anything left in them!

Wearing makeup everyday again is something that I am not keen on but being on front counter I need to look presentable, so makeup it is BUT, I can’t see without my glasses on and I can’t put them on while I am applying my eye shadow and eyeliner so sometimes that an end up a scary mess! Getting dressed everyday for work and not a day bumming around the farm is also a pain in the bum because I don’t have enough office work clothes and jeans, work boots and a work shirt is not really appropriate business wear LOL! Oh well small steps I guess.

It’s funny when we get thrown out of our comfort zone, especially when we are older. I thought I would never go back to work let alone back to an industry that I can’t stand, but here I am. I guess we never know what our path is, we never know where life will lead us, and if you are Christian, you will be familiar with trusting God because He knows what he is doing. I have to say, I knew the last time I said I would never go back into the real estate industry I remember thinking, “hmmmmm I probably shouldn’t say that because God is likely to put me right back there,” and look what happened!

Among all the bitching is a tonne of gratitude, gratitude that I can pay the registration for my car, gratitude that I can pay some bills, gratitude that I can get the kids Christmas stuff organised without debt this year, gratitude that we can do groceries without worry and so much more. I am grateful that this was an answer to prayer, not how I expected the answer to my prayers to go but it was still the answer I was seeking. So I guess the moral to my story is never say never, don’t talk things out into the atmosphere that you really don’t want because chances are God will put you right where you don’t want to be and then make it awesome! I am happily waiting for my awesome!

Do You Ever?

Do you ever wonder why some people have made it in life and you haven’t? You’re a nice person, you help people where you can, you look after your family, you pay your bills, you work hard, you don’t hurt anyone, you love your animals, you love Jesus, you don’t go out and make a nuisance of yourself, you set good examples AND YET you aren’t as successful as other people are. I don’t understand…

Do you ever get that fed up with life that you want to go to sleep and never wake up? I actually want to go to sleep and wake up in Narnia, kill the queen and live happily ever after with my tribe of animals….No? Well it is a dream..

Do you ever wish chocolate was a health food? Yep me too!

Do you ever wish some people would just grease their asses and slip into another world? Sorry Lord, I know I should be walking in Love but damn it’s hard sometimes!

Do you ever wonder what life would be like as a Kardashian/Jenner? What would it be like if picking which car to take was your biggest problem of the day, or if you woke up hoping your lips hadn’t exploded? They would be good problems to have!

Do you ever try and make something that doesn’t work out and you keep trying because damn it that little bastard of a thing isn’t going to beat you?! Me too, every day!

Do you ever want to re-live your childhood knowing what you know now?

Do you ever kick the dog?..Well it’s better than kicking the kids!

Do you ever plot the demise of your husband when he sleeps because you are hormonal af? Allllll the time LOL!

Do you ever hide sweets from everyone until they all go to bed so you don’t have to share? YES!!

Do you ever just sit and stare for hours wondering what it would be like on top of a mountain?

Do you ever wonder what it would be like to be a cow? Well I don’t because I have a fair idea it would suck!

Do you ever just sit and swear for the fun of it? Again, sorry Lord but sometimes there is just no other words!

Do you ever just sit and ramble on your blog with no real purpose? No? Well I guess that one is on me….

Have a great day everyone!

Moving Cattle..

So today saw us moving one of the mobs of cattle to a different paddock. The one they were in is bare and these poor old girls are skinny enough.  These particular cows are all due to have calves, which will pull them down further. We have started to feed them, but not enough, we have been put on a budget, it's all about money.  For now they are happy, eating happily.  The paddock they are now in is right next to our house, making our dogs super happy all the bloody do now is bark. I guess when you have 10 working dogs and you put cattle in the paddock next to your house, there is going to be some noise! 

Happy Friday – Making Changes!

Hi everyone! I have decided that I am not happy with the way my blog was looking so I am making some changes AGAIN! Can’t half tell I am a creative, always changes things and getting bored super easy. So if my blog changes a dozen times over the weekend this is why LOL! I just can’t seem to get everything on here that I want without paying a tonne of money I don’t have. Anyway, bear with me while I try and find something I like!

UPDATE:-

So I finally found a theme that I am happy with and the bloody photos don’t fit into the thumbnails. I have to actually take the photos a certain way so they will look proper ARGH!! And the colors, I can’t change the font colors in the header part to what I want. You can tell I am ‘REAL’ savvy at this tech crap!! Back to the bloody drawing board!

UPDATE NO 2. –

How annoying are these damns ads!! I can get rid of them if I upgrade to a business plan at a cost of $296!!! What the actual!!!!

Reading Books Expands Your Mind!

Or so they say… I read books to escape OR to learn how to do certain things. My escape books are usually adventures like LOTR, Harry Potter, J.R.Tolkien books, Narnia stuff like that. Yes I know it’s a bit babyish but I have a lifetime of creative catching up to do! I just love adventure, probably because I lacked adventure growing up, I love make believe but I also like some forms of reality like business books written by entrepreneurs that are ahead of the field in their industry. Lindsay Teague Moreno and Rachel Hollis are 2 of my favorites and my business coach Jennifer Allwood will be releasing her book very soon which I await with baited breathe. But I also love Dr Seuss….too much? Yeah I know, I am a 52 year old child with reality issues who would rather slip into a world of color and wonder than deal with what’s for dinner lol!

Back to reality…oh did I mention Twilight? Apparently a teen saga but I still love the movies to this day and the books were bloody amazing! Sooooo, reality,….. oh yes, these days I am reading aromatherapy books and of course my Bible. Did you know the Bible is the greatest history book, business book, self help book, parenting book, story book, poetry book and all round life guide ever written? All in one book how cool!

My point is that without books to tell stories and educate us where would our minds be? Probably watching some crap on TV that is manipulated to get us to think certain ways…..a little too conspiracy theoristy? Sorry, but to me everything is a conspiracy until I can prove it otherwise lol!

So lets read more books, lets not forget the big words and the little words, ladies don’t let menopause rob you of your once fluent use of the English language, or language of your origin. Lets continue to make stories, imagine crazy stuff and dream. Lets not lose our imaginations to the drudgery of life, lets use our minds for a bit of fun every now and then!

It’s Been A Week of It…..

Shit that is….Do you ever have days, weeks or even months where everything just seems to be a big pile of crap? I feel like I am going through that season once again, more crap and for something different even more crap. For those of you who are believers, we know that God brings us through the other side, he doesn’t wave his magic wand and poof we have no more crap, he just equips us with strength and the ability to cope through it, but shit….can I just cut a break and have a few months of NO CRAP please!

Farming is tough, the drought is tougher, everyone is feeling it, even those in town, albeit not as much as we feel it. My hubby is running 14+ hours a day these days and it’s tough on him. He’s just done 21 days straight and no relief in sight, I guess that’s what happens when you work for rich people who know you need the job. There are good things but the crap is outweighing them at the moment. It’s calving season right now and in the last week we have lost 2 cows and 2 calves. One cow was a prolapse cow who’s calf died during birth, she got nerve damage and there was nothing the vet could do so she had to be euthanized, another cow jumped a gate and broke her leg, she had to be euthanized, and if we want to be real, which this blog is, euthanized means shoot. Next we had a cow give birth but her teats were way too big for the calf to suck on, so we put the cow in the yards, milked her and then bottle fed the baby, trouble is the calf was already dehydrated by the time we found him and they never usually recover, so he died. All that in a week. The work load is massive, but the pay doesn’t go up, I guess we get blessed in other ways.

We also have some pretty major family stuff going on this week and when it’s your children, its super stressful! Yesterday our day off was full on, trying to get stuff done around the house, trying to get the jobs done on farm that should really be done in work hours but there is never enough time, and not getting in until dark and then inside stuff has to start argh! It seems stupid to be whingeing about such stupid crap doesn’t it, people all over the world are going through much worse, and I do remind myself of that daily and it brings me back into line, but when overwhelm takes over you need to have a day to swear, bitch and eat crap food so you can start afresh the next day LOL! That’s what I have found anyway.

As a praying woman, I always repent of not behaving according to scripture but you know what? God knows before we do, He gives us Grace in times such as these if we ask Him for it. He is always there, we just have to call Him and if I swear and carry on, He isn’t going to send me to the pit of hell, He is just going to say “it’s ok, lets try this again” to me that’s comforting and reassuring that I’m not perfect but He is ok with that.

These times will get better, but bloody hell it’s tough to walk through and man I would hate to do this crap as an unbeliever!

Sunday the Day of Rest

Well for some maybe but not for us. We have recently started irrigating the farm, because the owners have now just realized shit there is no feed for the cattle, we better grow some *massive eye roll. You see my husband told them this 6 months ago, he tried to warn them, but the owners are property developers, rich people with cattle, not cattlemen. They rip properties up and turn them into housing estates and they are bloody good at what they do. What they are not good at is animal husbandry and feeding these poor skinny damn cows! SO, now my hubby and one of the other workers on farm have to work 7 days a week, same pay, to keep these irrigators working so we can grow some feed. Yes they are buying feed in but they are not loving that idea. So here we are Sunday morning, fixing the irrigator that has just decided only half of it wants to work. The boys got wet, and its still not hot enough to be getting sprayed with fire hose force, on a Sunday morning. Of course I was really sympathetic to their plight sitting in the car filming hahahahaha! Farmlife, you gotta love it hey!

Can I Have Your Opinion?

I was sitting quietly today for about 2 minutes and I have been really focusing, or trying to focus on making this blog a good one. I feel like my blog is maybe a bit too real? Am I making a mistake by being legit? My blog does not look professional, it looks a bit too rustic? Am I making a mistake by being too authentic? I would really like your opinion because it is a biiiiig wide world out there and super hard to get followers so if I am at a disadvantage I probably should do something about it? I would appreciate your opinions! Thanks guys!

Why Is Life So Tough

Honestly some days I just want to punch everyone that breathes. This world is full of stupid people, why is that? Why is there no common sense in this world, why are people such assholes? Why am I always so angry? I’ll tell you why…….MENOPAUSE!!! Men, you may not want to read this post because it’s crazy lady stuff, but I feel I need to get my emotions on the page or I just might bloody explode! Yes I am a woman of Faith but that doesn’t mean I am not human, it means I feel the exact same crap that non believers feel, it means I have the same human body as non believing women have and boy don’t I have those emotions.

Some days just start off wrong, it’s like ok you had a good day yesterday lets balance things out and make today total crap. Ok yeah, lets do that! Menopause is that silent thief I think the Bible talks about, I am almost certain the devil has disguised himself as menopause. Ladies over 45 you get me hey. Some days my husband just has to look at me the wrong way and I instantly turn into a psychopath plotting his demise! Other times that same look won’t even register and I could care less. Some days when we are out doing farm work I want to run him over with the buggy and other days it’s like a leisurely Sunday drive in the country. Thank goodness he has been with me our whole lives so he is used to me and knows it’s just my hormones or he probably would have flown the coop but the other fortunate thing is we are super busy, especially him, and I am the least of his worries, night time he just cant wait to go to sleep, probably to get away from me lol!

I can’t remember the last time I was normal, I can’t even define normal most days, I don’t remember being truly happy in my heart, these days the only time I am truly happy is when we are eating junk food, how bloody sad is that! I estimate I have been going through this nearly 8 years now and it is gradually getting worse. I use essential oils around the clock because honestly I would not be as good as I am today without them. I can still function and I still have hopes and dreams, and I still have a heart to help women less fortunate than me, and I can still operate this family of mine, but some days the irritations are just so great that I want to pack it all in. The overwhelm nearly chokes me and the weight of it all feels like it could break my back.

On a positive note though, I am healthy, I have an amazing husband of 37 years, I have awesome children and grandchildren, we have a great job and we live in a country where freedom is our right, we have food on the table every night, we have fresh clean water, we have a roof over our heads and we serve a God who is bigger than all of it. I would say they are pretty good reasons to get over myself and soldier on!!

I Always Wanted to Write….

I remember being at school, yes my memory does take me back that far surprisingly enough, I was really good at English, I don’t know what they call it these days, but I was always getting good marks for my stories, essays, poetry, handwriting and everything pertaining to English lessons. I remember wanting to be an artist, writer or a journalist, thank God I didn’t do the latter, but actually I didn’t do any of them, because as circumstances would have it, my mother moved us out of the city to the country, and my teen rebel surfaced in a disastrous way. By 15 I was pregnant, 16 I was a mother, ladies, the stories about there being nothing else to do in a country town are correct! My mother was busy running the local cafe she had bought and didn’t have time to supervise us kids, so run rampant we did, trouble is, it bit me in the ass big time!

So there it was, my writing dreams completely destroyed as I tried to navigate my way through motherhood. Trouble is I kept having kids, and then by the time I was in my late 30’s my kids started having kids and I always had a child of some sort theirs or mine attached to my widening hips! All sense of purpose for myself, all sense of even knowing who I was, left before I had even discovered it. When things used to shit me, I would grab a pen and paper and write a poem or just write, then throw it away. I would draw and then write a short story about it, but was always criticized and made fun of so I just put that side of me away. Oh it would surface every now and then but I never thought I ‘measured’ up to the work everyone else was doing so I always put it back in the depths of my dreams where it would remain until I turned 50.

For some reason turning 50 was like a catalyst, I could do what I wanted, when I wanted. I could eat what I wanted, I could say what I wanted. How did things change so drastically that I now had a voice? I’ll tell you how, because I bloody well was sick of being creatively quiet! My husband has been a great support of mine for many years, yes it is the same man that fathered my first child alllll those years ago, yes we are still together which is a cultural shock on its own! I am a stay at home mum, yes I still have a child at home LOL, a 14 year old boy but he takes no looking after, he is a wonderful child and just no bother. This has enabled me to practice my art more readily, write poems and blog. I am not great at it because being in menopause makes you forget words and actually how to string 2 words together that make any sense. It also makes you forget your own damn name so trying to find yourself really takes on a whole new meaning during menopause! But I found I was allowing myself to start thinking about writing again and poetry, I started looking at courses I could take, and how could I get the ideas to write a really good story. Turning 50 has allowed me to start reading again, feeding my imagination and retraining my vocabulary. I have had kids my whole life so my amazing vocabulary was replaced with “I wish this kid would sleep”, “don’t touch that”, “stop eating that” etc etc. The big words had gone and were replaced with a lot of baby talk and kid talk.

So last year I was invited to put my artwork in an art show where 2 of my pieces sold, That can’t be right, my work isn’t good enough for this, it’s funny how we can never seem to change the perception of ourselves and yet we can encourage others to do so, well I can anyway. Becoming 50 gave me the ‘age’ right to now stop worrying about what everyone else was thinking and start trying to work out who I am and what creative path I should be on. In the meantime I am going to do everything possible and see what I love the most.

So back to writing….I am going to do it one of these days, I am going to become an author before I die, so that gives me a fair scope of time to get learning. I am going to embrace the gifts God gave me and no longer try and kill them in my self sabotaging kind of way. I am going to do this, and I would be well pleased if you would join me on my journey! x

Sunsets On Farm…

You will see some of the most glorious sunsets when you live on a farm. Maybe it’s because there are wide open spaces and nothing obstructing the view, or maybe it’s just because you are outside more often on a farm than you are if you live in a town. I’m not sure what it is but I could never live in a town again. The freedom a farm gives is like nothing you will experience unless you do experience it one day. It’s much the same as the surfers think about the ocean, wide open spaces with amazing sunsets!